It would seem they do. Granted, there are those who don’t want any attachment to success or significance and others who will firstly want to clarify what these concepts mean to them. I am going to address the first group. I acknowledge that unpacking what these concepts mean is extremely important but I am taking this as assumed learning that you already have in place.  If not, it’s a great opportunity for you to do some specific learning about these at a different forum. 

It would also seem that to become successful or significant one needs a competitive advantage. Some, like Usain Bolt, are predisposed with significant physical potential which help them outperform their opposition.  Others are lucky, like winner of the lotto. Some attribute their success to a miracle.  However, most of us have to manufacture a competitive advantage to herald success or significance. 

My research indicates that Mental Toughness can be used to give you a unique and sustainable competitive advantage. Neuropsychologists inform us that we are competitive by nature. They say that being instinctively competitive is one of our survival mechanisms. But being instinctively competitive does not give you a competitive advantage in this modern era.  I propose that my Mental Toughness model exposes you to an approach that will give you a unique and sustainable competitive advantage on its own or it can be applied in harmony with an existing competitive advantage to magnify that advantage. 

Use the Matthew effect to access higher levels of performance

The model that emerged from my academic research on Mental Toughness consists of seven components. These can be applied selectively or cumulatively as a holistic programme to empower you to manage and then master your mind. When the Mental Toughness model is applied holistically you can reap an additional benefit known as the Matthew effect. The Matthew effect is a concept gleaned from the Book of Matthew 25:29 in the Christian bible. “For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away” 

This biblical claim was recently popularized by Professor Anders Eriksson of Florida State university and then referenced in Malcolm Gladwell’s book; Outliers: The Story of Success (2008)  Gladwell correlates age related success in contact sports like rugby and ice hockey with the Matthew effect. His claim is that research reveals that many boys who have birthdates in the early part of the school calendar year initially benefit from a size advantage. This size advantage results in their initial selection into the A teams in their schools. Now they are exposed to better coaches and the cumulative effect continues until they are better represented in age related top teams. 

In a Mental Toughness context the Matthew effect can be experienced because you can use the components of the Mental Toughness model to gain a cumulative advantage. In so doing, each component of the model builds on to the previous one and gives you incremental gains. It can be likened to using scaffolding on a building. You access greater heights as you build on the previous level. Benefits are derived from the individual components as well as additional gains from the synergy due to accumulation. 

Another synergistic benefit will also be available when your existing physical potential or technical abilities synergise with newly developed Mental Toughness abilities. Of course this concept applies in most situations. You simply have to get the first scaffold in place; or identify one that is already in place. However, I realize that people who are disadvantaged or depressed will struggle to muster the enthusiasm to find an aspect to scaffold onto. But for the majority there will be a skill, an attitude, a physical advantage, an educational advantage, a family member, a friend or an alliance to scaffold onto. There is an identifiable starting point for most of us. 

Mental Toughness is not the magic bullet for all situations

Note, that whilst Mental Toughness can help apparently healthy people with some chronic problems, it is not a panacea for mental illness nor is it the snake oil remedy for all performance needs. In addition Mental Toughness is not the only determinant of performance and therefore success or even significance. Excellent performance, in any endeavour, can be the result of major interventions or it may be nuanced. It is usually the result of a convergence of many factors including talent or luck, often referred to as randomness. There do not seem to be any simple, one size fits all, solutions for how we should lead our lives, improve our performances or address chronic problems. Performance is a complex subject and needs to be viewed in a systemic way. But, despite the complexity it is generally accepted that Mental Toughness is one of the most important factors that will give you a competitive advantage and help you address chronic problems.  

Do you want to be successful or significant? If yes, you can use the Matthew effect to access higher levels of performance. But, be aware that Mental Toughness is important but it’s not a magic bullet solution for all situations.

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor

You don’t play rugby, you play thugby

An Australian national rugby coach once described the way the Springboks play rugby as ‘thugby’. He concluded that the name Springbok was not apt for the team because Springboks, the actual animal, are known to be fleet footed and skilful. He suggested that the South African rugby team should be named the buffalos. He explained that this name was appropriate because buffalos are strong and, fortunately for the opposing team, slow thinkers.   

In the IRB World Cup tournament of 2007 it was clear that the main competitive advantage used by the Springboks was, once again, physical intimidation. The Springbok coach was even rumoured to say that the Springboks were the only team in the world that can win a World Cup in rugby without the ball. It seems that the Springbok game plan, when they had the ball, was to kick the ball as close to the oppositions’ try line as possible. If this resulted in the opposition taking possession the Springboks could work their intimidation game plan effectively.  It is easier to intimidate opposition rugby players when they are in possession of the ball than when your team has the ball. 

Be careful, aggression often becomes uncontrolled

One of the hazards with applying aggression is that it often becomes uncontrolled. This can lead to punitive consequences for the aggressor and stifle their creativity. In 2011 the Springboks went off in defence of their World Cup title with the press claiming that their strategy had not changed very much. You could argue that the Springboks suffered the consequences of this limited strategy when they were beaten by a composed and resolute Australian team in the quarter finals of the tournament. Ironically the Springboks had something like eighty percent of the possession in this game. This seems to imply that they could not execute their aggressive game plan because they had too much of the possession. 

Increase intensity and the opposition will fall off the pace

The All Blacks also draw upon a variation of controlled aggression as one of their game plans. They too have a high win percentage. To date their win percentage is significantly higher than the Springboks.  The variation they use is increased intensity. They do not emphasize physical intimidation like the Springboks seem to do; instead they focus on their intensity i.e. their work rate, their speed of passing and execution at critical times. When they apply  increased intensity their opponents often fall off the pace. These acts of intensity are all expressions of controlled aggression that are not associated with players becoming excessively aroused or psyched up. 

If it thinks you are afraid it will have you for dinner; but be careful, aggression often becomes uncontrolled. Try increasing intensity and the opposition will fall off the pace

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor

Create the impression that you are too dangerous to take on

Someone who was believable and could therefore intimidate by magnifying his skills was the former Australian spin bowler Shane Warne.  Warne’s skills, record and demeanor made him believable. He created the perception in his opponent’s’ mind that he was too dangerous to take on.  Therefore, when he was about to bowl, the opposition batsman not only faced him physically but also faced all the mental concerns they harboured about his past achievements. From my observation Warne did not have to bowl particularly well at all times. The fear instilled in the opposition’s mind by the thought of his bowling abilities was enough to increase the batsmen’s arousal. That caused the batsmen to lose fine motor skills accompanied by the inevitable mistakes. When Warne retired newspapers wrote: “Warne summoned up panic and, like his faithful dog, panic came panting up” 

Erode competitor confidence

International sport provides us with endless examples of how some manage pressure well and how others fail under pressure. Sports people, like the Italian football player Materazzi, go to great lengths to heap pressure onto their opponents in the hope of disrupting their performances. International cricket has provided excellent examples of players manufacturing pressure for their opponents. One of the ways they do it is known as sledging. It is a term to describe when verbal controlled aggression is used to deliberately undermine the opposition’s composure and then their confidence.   

Smart sledging erodes confidence

Sledging is most effective when it is subtle and selective. The tactic of throw enough mud and hope some sticks is counterproductive. A barrage of insults or being extremely rude is easily blocked out by the opposition and managed in the same category as crowd noise. The intent behind sledging is to enhance your position by “getting up the nose” of the opposition. If this is done intelligently the opposition react irrationally, make mistakes and your confidence will be boosted. You may remember that sledging was used effectively by the Sri Lankan cricket captain, Kumar Sangakkara (a well-known wind up merchant) in the 2007 ICC World Cup game against South Africa and his sledging played a significant part in South Africa losing that match. 

Muhammad Ali, widely acclaimed as the greatest heavy weight boxer of all time, had a very clear grasp of how to use controlled aggression, through his form of sledging, so that his opponents would lose composure. He used his ability to goad his opponents. Ali claimed: “you don’t want to psyche your opponent out but rather you want to psyche them up, you want to make them fight harder, make them fight too hard, make them feel they must get you, make them angry, increase their arousal levels, make them anxious, then they get too tired and the boxing ring is the wrong place to get too tired – because now they are in serious trouble”. 

Are your comments creating a competitive advantage for your opposition?

You may have personal experiences of the undermining effect of sledging.  Alternatively, you may have observed the effect that a few well-placed comments from people like Shane Warne or Mohammed Ali had on their opponents. This tactic invariably worked for them because their performances matched or exceeded their comments. If you have their performance capability then by all means comment on your or your opposition’s ability. If you cannot back your comments with performance the chances are your comments will be ill-chosen and rebound on you. I believe it is better to be honest and humble without boasting or expressing false modesty when commenting on your own ability. If you are going to comment on the opposition’s ability and I recommend you don’t, keep it short and show respect. I am not impressed with nor do I believe it helps your cause to randomly sledge others. If they have done their mental skills homework it won’t affect them anyway and you are probably increasing your arousal to a point where you will be at a disadvantage and you have inadvertently created a competitive advantage for your opposition. 

Does your performance match or exceed your claims? Can you create the impression that you are too dangerous to take on and therfore erode cpmpetotor confidence? Are your comments creating a competitive advantage for your opposition?

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor

Clearly American actor, Will Smith, has willpower. He was expressing his will power when he declared that he would not be outworked by any other actor. He explained that some actors may be more talented, sexier, and even cleverer than he but that they would never match his work rate. He added if he were on a tread mill competing against another in a gym there would only be one of two results; either he would win or he would die because he will never get off before the other person. Could Will Smith’s commitment to hard work have contributed to his success as an actor? The rather obvious conclusion is that hard work is a key ingredient to success whatever your endeavour and I add that nobody can out work you – nobody!. Increasing our work load is a choice we can all make and use as a competitive advantage. 

Communicating your strength

You have probably heard the saying that communication is seven percent verbal and ninety three percent is body language. I agree that it seems an accurate claim. The exact percentage is irrelevant because we all know we communicate in many ways other than verbal. It is in the ways other than verbal that I urge you to communicate your strengths and magnify a competitive advantage.

In business you can communicate your strength by looking and acting professionally. When you need to be accepted by someone or a group you communicate by looking engaging. When you want to improve customer service look helpful. When you need to be physically aggressive you must look imposing. The basic message is; if you want to communicate certain messages, remember to tell your body and face about the message.  A great example of communicating aggression was provided by the Zulu King Shaka – he was arguably one of the most astute generals in history. Shaka dressed his warriors in ways that would intimidate the opposition. He even had them wear ostrich feathers for them to appear bigger and in this way communicate strength through their perceived size. 

You must handle whatever the opposition dishes up

Les Kiss, when he was the Springbok rugby team’s defence coach, tried to teach players the value of communicating with body language to enhance their defence capabilities.  Les explained defence as a total philosophy rather than something you do in the moment on a rugby field. The part of Les’ explanation that I related to in a controlled aggression context was when he explained that players had to accept that they must handle whatever the opposition dished up. Players’ body language must communicate their determination to cover their channel and signify their willingness to confront. He explained that opponents reading this body language will feel pressure and in all likelihood pass the ball out to another attacker out wide and in this way the touch line would begin to act as an additional defender. He concluded by claiming that opponents who do decide to confront, despite facing aggressive body langue, will in all likelihood already have decided that the best they can do is recycle the ball in contact. This type of overt physical aggression aimed at dominating the opposition can also be seen in NFL games where physical dominance is crucial in determining a winning result. 

Putting pressure on the opposition

Controlled aggression is used to put pressure on the opposition so that they sense danger. The idea is to; disturb their mind, create doubt in their mind; get under their skin; consume their attention; distract them; outwit them; dominate them; intimidate them and erode their confidence. When the opposition senses danger they can be bluffed, bullied and distracted from their intentions. When they are under pressure their instincts oblige them to pay attention to what is unfolding in front of them, often to the exclusion of other very important matters. As a result it is very likely that they will lose their composure, try too hard and make crucial mistakes.   

A pageant to keep us in false gaze

Your controlled aggression can be used to deceive the opposition.  Shakespeare even referred to the act of deceiving in Othello.  In this play a senator suggests that the Turkish retreat to Rhodes is “a pageant to keep us in false gaze”.  In our context controlled aggression can keep your competitors in false gaze. It takes them out of their comfort zone, it can cause them to look in the wrong places, it can frustrate them so that they; lose concentration, lose composure, lose confidence, and fall off the pace. When this happens to your competitors you have consolidated a competitive advantage.  A warning though, if you apply unbridled aggression, as opposed to controlled aggression, your options are mostly prescribed, your judgment is poorer, your skill levels go down, you try too hard and you are the one who will make more mistakes. 

Can you increase your workload and exert your will power? Do you communicate your strength? Can you handle whatever the opposition dishes up. Can you keep your opposition in false gaze?

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor

The application of controlled aggression translates dreams, ideas and plans into actions. Some people have dreams, ideas and even plans but that’s where it stops for too many.  The first act of controlled aggression is to give yourself a call to action. The call translates your plans into reality. In other words, if you are mulling around in a state of over preparation, postponing action, ruminating or simply occupying a seat – it’s time to get off your ass (G.O.Y.A.) and turn up with your entire being rather than just occupying that seat.  If you are one who is already taking action, then how about increasing the intensity of your actions?   

For those whose intention goes beyond getting ahead of competitors, controlled aggression can be applied to progress that intention. If you want to improve your competitiveness, controlled aggression can be applied to outmaneuver your competitors. You achieve this by:  increasing your workload and intensity, magnifying your strengths, exerting will power and applying deception tactics. This puts pressure on the opposition; you start to dominate them, they feel intimidated and you get the opportunity to accelerate away from them. Controlled aggression must not be confused with trying too hard but should rather be seen as a surge that is well timed over defined strategic periods. 

Do you have sufficient desire for achieving your intention?

The intensity with which you apply controlled aggression and the periods over which you maintain it will be proportionate to the desire you have for implementing your intention or your need to get ahead of your competitors. It was said of Steve Jobs that he even tried to contort reality to achieve his intention. At times, it seems, he achieved this through applying an extraordinary level of controlled aggression. 

Assert your will in a civil way

Controlled aggression is often the tipping point in developing Mental Toughness. You probably started your Mental Toughness development with identifying and clarifying negative beliefs about success or significance; this means you could set aside existential angst about meaning and relieve some internal pressure. Your next step was to get in touch with an ideal future for yourself and discover the benefits of composure. Now it’s time to assert your intention in a civil way – it’s time for controlled aggression. Note that controlled aggression is not a simple act of self-interest; whilst you may be using controlled aggression to further an aspect of self-interest you can simultaneously achieve altruistic goals.  Applying controlled aggression is also not a random decision. It has its roots in your strategy.  It’s not about; naked aggression, nor being careless, nor throwing away caution, it does not involve abandoning your values or transgressing social boundaries and organisational norms; and  it certainly does not mean going outside the law or the rules.    

Practice the skills of controlled aggression

The skills of controlled aggression are practised in imagery; they can be initiated by rehearsed trigger words or hand cues and executed in real time. You execute controlled aggression when you read the signs that it is required. When opting for controlled aggression you would be wise to use breathing control to manage the intensity of your efforts so that you do not exhaust yourself working at near maximum intensity for too long.   Mentally tough people do not need encouragement to apply or withdraw controlled aggression. They read the signs when it is needed and the signs when they can cut it back. 

It should not be difficult to access aggression. The desire for your intent or the stimulation of competitiveness taps into an evolutionary determined process that enables instinctive aggression originally intended for survival. Males have an additional atavistic urge to be aggressive. Their usual challenge is to channel and manage aggression. Understanding and using composure is the start to channeling and hence managing aggression. 

Can you access your highest ability without getting hyped up into a frenzied state?

You may not recall but it used to be widely believed that motivation could be achieved or enhanced through “getting psyched up.” It probably still is in some quarters. People believed that the more aroused or psyched-up you got the better your performance would be. You may have experienced or should I say endured pep-talks before a sports match or in a sales meeting, where leaders psyche up the team by shouting, shaking their fist and widening their eyes.   People used to believe that you needed to enter the playing field or market place in a frenzied state. The cure all to performance was to get more excited and try harder. Clearly, pep-talks and glib statements to psyche up can generate some short term arousal which tactically is often useful, but our current knowledge informs us that when we get over aroused we try too hard, we lose skills and make crucial mistakes. What we need most often is to maintain composure so that we can express our controlled aggression and access our highest ability without getting hyped up into a frenzied state.  

Can you give yourself a call to action? Can you assert your will in a civil way? Do you have sufficient desire for achieving your intention? Can you access your highest ability without getting hyped up into a frenzied state?

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor

A loss of confidence can occur to any person, in any pursuit, at any moment with any incident. Sometimes the loss in confidence is a momentary lapse and you bounce back or tragically it can have a longer term, sustained effect and morphs into a lack of confidence. I recall experiencing a significant loss of confidence in the early part of the new millennium. At the time I was earning a substantial portion of my income through conference speaking and I was booked to speak about selling skills to the staff of a major bank at their annual conference. I prepared a multimedia presentation which included images, visual examples, case studies and short video clips. I intended using the visual presentation as the structure of the talk as well as prompts for my talk. 

Always have a dry run

Upon arriving at the venue I could not access the equipment to have a dry run as the speaker before me was presenting his talk. I was scheduled to speak next. There was a five minute comfort break between speakers and I had just enough time to link my computer to the venue’s audio visual equipment. The outcome was a disaster. The sound was muffled, the visuals were distorted and the videos would not play. This problem was revealed in stages from the moment the few hundred delegates took their seats and within five minutes I knew I had a major problem. Did I choke or panic? I must have instinctively chosen panic and frantically tried adjusting every setting on my computer because the local technician assured me it was not their equipment at fault and that it must be my computer. I fiddled, adjusted and squirmed my way through the one hour presentation; it was a disaster. Mercifully, the hour ended and despite gratuitous applause from the audience I received harsh feedback from my agent the following week and did not hear a word from the client. To try and make amends I asked my agent not to charge the client. 

Loser

As I left the conference venue I thought that I should never speak at a conference again. I felt embarrassed and “loser” would be a good description of how I felt. It took some time to regain composure and get around to critically reflecting on what my options were in that awful moment. At the time the obvious alternative was to give the presentation unplugged and to give a good performance despite the loss of audio visual facilities. To do this I needed to draw on stand up and unplugged skills, but in that moment I lacked the confidence to generate alternatives, possibly because I had invested so much preparation into the multimedia presentation. Instead, I panicked and continuously tried to fix a technical problem that I had no ability to fix.

Bounce-back-ability or getting back on the horse

Fortunately I bounced back and as the saying goes “got back on the horse”. I still give conference presentations, but out of choice as they are not my primary work focus.  Of course, I have encountered a few technical problems with presentations since then, but they have been easy to manage by simply accepting them and using my own audio visual equipment which I always take along as a backup. On a recent occasion when there was a technical breakdown and I did not have my equipment with me, I seamlessly changed to presenting the topic unplugged. I received excellent feedback. Tip to speakers: always be able to deliver a memorable performance without technical assistance. 

Have you experienced a lack of confidence?

A lack of confidence can be the outcome of a loss of confidence from a poor performance like the one I had with my presentation or it can stem from other devastating incidents as a child or even as an adult. You will often hear the claim that past failures lead to negative expectations of future success. When we lack confidence it affects our abilities to perform because we start to believe that we cannot perform. Tragically if we do not believe that we are capable, we seem to mentally and then physically reduce our abilities to match our beliefs. Clearly poor past performances are not as easy to build onto as good past performances. As Floyd Patterson, a former world heavy weight boxing champion, said “winning is easy, its losing that is difficult”. 

Difficult maybe, but mentally tough people develop resilience and an ability to bounce back and do not readily accept that a poor performance automatically leads to a downward performance spiral where it is concluded that success is unattainable. Believing in past success as the only precursor to confidence is an ‘expectation trap’, which has in all probability restricted many a gifted person and limited them from doing more than is expected.  I believe that confidence can be established or ‘manufactured’ despite poor performances, failures or perceived barriers.   

The four minute mile – a perceived barrier

Roger Bannister became the first man to run the mile in under four minutes. This achievement illustrates the power of a perceived barrier and serves as an example to demonstrate that one is often capable of far more than expected. 

Until 1954 it was generally believed to be impossible to run a mile in under four minutes. This barrier was tacitly supported by the scientific community, where their belief was that the human body could not achieve such a feat. Some even suggested that the body would break apart before such a speed could be reached. It seems everyone agreed; the four minute mile was not possible.  Well, not quite everyone. Roger Bannister started to believe that the four minute mile barrier could be broken. In this instance his belief made all the difference. It led to the confidence to give an all-out effort to break the barrier. 

Within eighteen months of Roger Bannister’s breakthrough sixteen other athletes did it. Were these barrier-breaking athletes more talented? The answer is a clear no. They did it because the psychological barrier had been breached and they now believed it was possible.  It would seem that our beliefs impose limitations on our minds as well as our physiology and if we are to overcome these limits we need confidence to update our beliefs in line with latest knowledge. 

Have you experienced a serious loss or lack of confidence? Do you have a reserve of bounce-back-ability that helps you get “back onto the horse”?

All people have strongly held beliefs and opinions that they usually believe are valid. If this claim is accurate then conflict is inevitable because we will have at least some differing beliefs and opinions with people we interact with. To substantiate our position we use a range of justifications from faith and intuition to having the latest scientific research. But these justifications do not circumvent conflict, at times they drive it. 

You may argue that in an ideal world one should be able to gain agreement with another based on the strength and validity of the evidence we present. Or we should at least be able to disagree with one other without being labeled disagreeable – but we do not live in an ideal world, we live in this world. In this world we end up in conflict and it’s preferable to have a skills-set to manage conflict. This skill-set helps us develop the confidence to manage conflict. Note, that whilst I am addressing conflict with others it’s important to acknowledge that the internal conflict we have with ourselves is also a major issue that will challenge our confidence and consequently our Mental Toughness. When you are confident it is a lot easier to choose between balancing the assertiveness you need to express your expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings and the cooperation you need to be considerate of others’ expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings.  The skills-set for managing conflict is based on appropriately using the conflict options of avoiding, competing, accommodating, compromising and collaborating. 

Avoiding – I lose, you lose

When we use avoiding in conflict it usually means we are both low on assertiveness and low on cooperation.  In an extreme situation we do not assert our expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings freely nor do we cooperate with the expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings of the other. Thus we avoid conflict.  This is essentially an ‘I lose and you lose situation’. 

In most instances when we are avoiding conflict the problem does not go away it simply lingers or grows. Clearly, there are times when avoiding conflict is a good strategic decision and is not simply a decision based on low assertiveness or low cooperation. In this instance avoiding, deflecting or postponing conflict are appropriate options especially when engagement will lead to heightened tensions that will create even bigger conflict. 

Competing – I win, you lose

When we use competing as a conflict option it usually means we are high on assertiveness and low on cooperation. We express our expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings but are not considerate to hearing others’ expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings. In this instance we may have placed the other in a position where there is no safe space for them to move towards and retain their self-esteem and composure. Thus we are competing. This is essentially an ‘I win and you lose situation’. 

In many instances when we are competing the conflict escalates as it is usually interpreted by others as an enforcing and uncaring approach. Clearly this mode of conflict management is appropriate when trying to get ahead of the competition or in a situation where agreed strategies, values, policies or instructions must be followed. However, it should be used selectively and carefully when dealing with your stakeholder community and suppliers. For that matter even when dealing with your opposition! When you prevail over others and they feel you have been uncaring or unfair the conflict may seem to have been resolved because you “won”, but it is more likely to have submerged and will in all likelihood re-emerge later in a different form where those who feel you have been inconsiderate will in all likelihood exact revenge. 

Accommodating – I lose, you win

When we use accommodating, it usually means we are low on assertiveness and high on cooperation. In this instance we don’t readily express our expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings but we are considerate to others’ expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings.  It means there is only a limited space where we can move towards and consequently there is some loss to us. Thus we accommodate. This is essentially an ‘I lose and you win situation’. 

In most circumstances when we accommodate the conflict escalates as we invariably feel that we are losing out. Clearly this mode of conflict management is appropriate when dealing with someone who needs to be affirmed or encouraged.  However, when others consistently prevail over you, you develop a loss of self-esteem and self-worth.  The likelihood is that you will accumulate feelings of resentment and will at some point express disproportionate, displaced, outrage over other issues as a result of previous accommodation.  

Compromising – I lose a bit, you lose a bit

When we are compromising, it usually means we are expressing medium assertiveness and medium cooperation. We communicate our expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings and we are considerate to others’ expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings but we reach for a solution where both sides give a bit to find common ground. Thus we compromise. This is essentially an ‘I win a little and I lose a little; you win a little and you lose a little situation’. In most instances when we compromise the conflict is contained or arbitrated but you will invariably experience a loss in potential. 

Collaborating – I win, you win

When we are collaborating we are expressing high assertiveness and high cooperation. We freely communicate our expectations; perspectives, needs or feelings and we are considerate to others’ expectations, perspectives, needs or feelings. It is similar to compromise but there is no suggestion of any losses to either party.  In this instance we are enabling self and others through identifying safe spaces for all to move towards. This gives both parties the opportunity to review positions or be transcendent of previously held positions and through doing this identify another position that is seen as a valued added place for all parties. Thus, we search for a solution where both sides are completely satisfied. This is an ‘I win and you win situation’. In most instances the solution is not obvious and is contained in a new discovery and requires thinking beyond the current or past issues. When we collaborate the conflict is resolved. Collaboration with stakeholders is the most prized conflict solution in a Mental Toughness context. 

Is your confidence helping you to manage conflict? Do you have a skills-set to apply to conflict situations?

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor

eta Mind Doctor- Confidence improves decision making

Confident people have the ability to make fast and frugal decisions under pressure conditions.  People who lack confidence either make slow and ponderous decisions or they are indecisive and therefore often miss out on opportunities. 

Confidence is a feature of mentally tough people. Through their confidence they develop the ability to prioritise what to do quickly. They decide on a course of action that is line with what their desired outcome and commit to it. They use the ability to thin slice a situation in order to make better quality decisions under fast moving, high stress conditions than their under-confident counterparts. Essentially thin slicing means they do not need all the information in a given situation to make a decision; just a whiff or a sign to recognise the scenario and make the decision. The additional benefit of thin slicing is that they do not end up in a situation where arousal is increased to dangerous levels because they are delaying decisions or even worse making a poor decision – they have made the decision. 

Confidence affects teamwork

Confident people have learnt that very little can be achieved in isolation of others.   When people are confident, teamwork improves and their teams usually experience better results. In high speed team games, like rugby, basketball or soccer, that are filled with split second decisions the quality of these decisions is determined by the confidence of team members in their own ability and the confidence they have in each other’s abilities.   

Getting and giving help develops confidence

A simple way to develop confidence is through using a role model who knowingly or unknowingly acts as a helping hand to guide your decisions. You may take it further by having a formal relationship with a mentor who you regard as experienced and wise. This relationship usually involves getting advice and guidance resulting in enhanced confidence. Another way of developing confidence is to help others. Helping them, guiding them, supporting them and affirming them when they have done well. The notion of working closely with someone else so that it boosts confidence is also used by the military in their battle buddy concept. Military psychologists claim that if you a battle buddy at your side it is easier to access confidence and you are unlikely to defect or display cowardice. 

Confidence develops change resilience

We are always going to be in a changing environment where we have to manage external changes and also a great deal of internal, personal change. You have in all likelihood read about how to manage change or you have possibly attended a change management workshop. But, despite reading and learning about change management many people still react to change by allowing their emotions to hijack their minds. Again, I am not suggesting that these emotions are wrong or that you should not feel them or that you can magically avoid feeling them. Experiencing and processing these emotions is essential. It is the extent to which they dominate or immobilise you for a prolonged period and consequently limit your performance that is at stake. 
The Elizabeth Kubler-Ross model, in her book On Death and Dying, refers to the stages of grief and how knowledge of these can be usefully applied to understanding change. 

I would like to suggest that improving your confidence will give you better change resilience and enhance your ability to manage the change process. When you are confident you will not feel as threatened by changes in technology or politics, nor by changes in relationships or even by the physical changes associated with aging. 

Is your decision making limited by your confidence? Does your team benefit from your confidence? Do you give and receive help freely? Is your confidence level improving your change resilience?

Dr Steve

Developing Mental Toughness is often associated with motivation. It follows that an understanding of motivation theory will assist in your Mental Toughness development. There are many motivational theories and the most commonly known one is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This theory claims that people will display motivated behaviour to satisfy their needs and that these needs are hierarchical. Maslow claims that the most basic need is survival. If our survival is threatened then it follows that we will be motivated to survive and we all know from personal experiences that our survival can be threatened at any stage. Note, that when your survival is threatened it any other motivation that exists will be sublimated by your survival motivation. 

You may recall that the next level in Maslow’s hierarchy is safety and security. This is a need to have a safe and secure environment and an assured supply of food, shelter and income. Thereafter Maslow claims a social need manifests; i.e. the need to belong to a group. The next level introduces self-esteem which is the need to feel important, to feel responsible, to achieve recognition, to receive rewards and praise. Finally, at the top of the hierarchy Maslow puts self-actualization. This need is strongly intrinsic and has to do with expressing your full potential. 

Self-determination and intrinsic motivation

The theory of self-determination addresses the concept of intrinsic motivation. This theory claims that motivation exists on a continuum ranging from intrinsic motivation on the one end, extrinsic in the middle and amotivation on the other end.  Intrinsic motivation represents behaviour driven by internal, sense of self issues. People are more likely to sustain activities when they are intrinsically motivated for their own reasons.  Extrinsic motivation is gained from influences outside you. It is characterized by behaviour driven mostly by external goals and rewards. 

The degree to which individuals are able to fulfill their basic psychological needs determines their level of self-determination. The basic needs that self-determination has been associated with are autonomy, competence and relatedness. Autonomy is freedom of choice. It is defined as engaging in an activity because you choose to do so.  Competence is defined as self-belief in one’s ability to perform well in an activity. Using feedback appropriately is a great way to boost feelings of competence. Relatedness is defined as a sense of shared experience. If people feel there is an accepting atmosphere they are likely to develop relatedness. 

Develop motivation through short wins

The development of motivation can be assisted by short wins. Essentially short wins are mini goals that are in line with your personal strategy. These mini goals are usually progressively more demanding because as you progress you are confronted with situations as yet beyond your experience. In these cases your ability to cope is continually tested. The advantage of having successfully completed
previous challenges provides you with the confidence to try and cope with more difficult situations. This need not be a fortuitous experience as you can set up your own mini goals on the way towards your intention to give you short wins.

Through scaffolding short wins you can systematically increase your confidence level. In the movie Touching the Void, the climber with the broken leg decided to set mini distance goals that he had to achieve within a defined time frame. This process kept his momentum and ultimately got him to safety. Once you have achieved a short win it’s advisable to celebrate in some way as this reinforcement enhances momentum and motivation. 

Motivate with music

Music is commonly used among athletes in training and prior to competition to trigger or regulate their motivation. Sydney Olympics rowing gold medalist, Tim Foster, now a coach, uses music to punctuate all of the indoor training sessions that he leads. Specifically, during circuit training or rowing ergo meter intervals he puts on loud/fast music, while during recovery periods he plays soft/slow music. Therefore, work and recovery times are regulated by music. Research from Brunel University indicates that this approach increases work output, reduces perceived exertion and improves the pleasure experienced during the activity. 

Positive self-talk can motivate and eliminates excuses

I am not an advocate of the type of mental preparation that uses loud self-talk to get hyped up. In my opinion it is self-indulgent when someone is shouting out yes, yes, yes in preparation for an event. I believe with this type of self-talk one runs the risk of losing composure.  However, I can fully understand people expressing their delight and relief after achieving something significant and loudly exclaiming whatever they like.  

Nevertheless, I advocate positive self-talk as a preparation technique or as a means of establishing or reestablishing appropriate concentration and enhancing motivation across a wide range of achievement domains. The technique makes use of your powerful inner voice (not outer) to reinforce important aspects of your performance. It is claimed that, with appropriate repetition, self-talk can ultimately affect your belief system. Positive self-talk is the ability to hold inner conversations reflecting on your good performances that lead you to sustained performance improvement through positive self-reinforcement. 

Auto suggestion – negative and positive reinforcement

Positive self-reinforcement is a part of the broader concept of auto suggestion. However, auto suggestion includes the possibility that you are doing the opposite i.e. using negative self-talk and therefore generating negative self-reinforcement. It seems that most of us habitually use negative self-talk without consciously considering the negative self-reinforcement and therefore the performance consequences of this habit. It is claimed that we receive our most important messages from the inner conversations we have with ourselves, not from others.  When negative self-talk becomes pervasive you can deal with it through thought stoppage using trigger words or gestures. 

As people use positive self-talk to encourage themselves towards their intention they will usually develop a confident attitude which has the accompanying benefit of making less or no excuses. 

What have you learnt from motivation theories? Do you use short wins to develop your motivation? Can you use appropriate self-talk or auto suggestion as positive reinforcement?

Dr Steve – Mind Doctor